Building A Better You

Weekly Challenge # 122: Celebrate Your Success This Year

[This is an updated re-run of Weekly Challenge # 63.  I need to hear it again.  How about you?]

Set aside special time and effort to celebrate your specific triumphs, milestones and and successes from the past year.  You will then be more likely to continue to build a better you (and a better world) next year too.

As a kind of follow-up to Challenge #68: REMEMBER HOW FAR YOU'VE COME, this challenge is important because...

Even though there are lots of parties and social events and "celebrations this time of year," WE SPEND VERY LITTLE TIME  REMEMBERING AND HONORING WHAT WE'VE SPECIFICALLY DONE OVER THE PAST YEAR.

And the opportunity to really celebrate the past year can get lost amidst all the other traditional year-end festivities.

Did you...graduate, meet someone special, have a baby, complete a major project, start a new job, end a piece of work, move your home or family, get promoted, write a book, make a profit, make a friend, help a little one learn to walk, receive an award, take a journey, lower your cholesterol, organize your closet, make a well-recieved presentation, get in shape, build a website, renovate a part of your house, landscape your yard, simplify your life, get married, etc. etc. etc.

Then, like most of us, you have a string of little and big things to celebrate.

So figure out a way to do that before year's end.

Five Quick and Easy Ways to Celebrate What You've Done and Become Over The Past Year:

1. Have a celebration dinner with your significant other or close friend.  Have the focus be reflection on and appreciation of the past  year.
2. Buy yourself a present.  How about something symbolic of what you have done or how you are being?
3. Pour yourself a glass of wine or cup of coffee.  Sit down, and make a list of your successes from the past year in your journal.  Drink a
toast to yourself after reading the list.
4. Light a candle.  When friends ask about the lit candle, take the opportunity to explain you're honoring the past year.
5. Do something really fun (for you)...and explain to the other participants, "it's because some great things have happened over this
past year."

Bottom Line: When you celebrate what you have, you'll give more...and more will be coming to you.  Here's to 2008.

 

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What, about the last year would I like to celebrate?
2. What would be a really cool way to honor the past year's accomplishments?
3. When is the best time to celebrate between now and the end of the year?

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Weekly Challenge # 121: Reduce Your Obligations

Radically reduce or eliminate the number of obligations you have in your life which aren't critical to your responsibilities or directly related to what you're especially on this earth to do / be. 

If you find yourself complaining about something you have to do, even though you don't care to or need to, you're on the path to fulfilling an unnecessary (and expensive) obligation.

THE HOLIDAY OBLIGATION TEST

Of course, you already know whether you're going to pass or fail this one.  Trust your instincts!  Do you feel like you have to send holiday cards this year?  Do you have to send them to everyone who sent you one last year? 

Do you have to attend every party to which you've been invited?  Do you have to host that party again?  Do you have to give everyone on your list a gift...with a similar value to the one they gave you? 

Do you have to get together with the family, meeting everyone else's expectations just like you have for the past few decades?  Do you have to bring the same jello-ring or cream-cheese appetizer?  Do you have to be exhausted by the end of the holiday season?

Now the context:  There are great reasons to do any and all of the things listed above.  The real test though, is if they aren't exactly your responsibilities and you feel like you HAVE to do them instead of want to. 

Wouldn't you prefer to get a gift from someone who wanted to give it to you, instead of had to?  Wouldn't you like to spend time with others who really want to be there with you?  You get the point.

LESS IS MORE

Haven't you been secretly yearning for more meaning in your life...to be able to spend more time, effort and energy on the things which matter most for you?  One of the keys is to free up yourself (and your family) from obligations by being bold enough to say "no" to those things which don't make your own high priority list. 

BOTTOM LINE: I can think of no better way to add to the spirit of this season than to reduce and eliminate obligations that, in effect, rob us of our love, joy, hope and peace.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. Where am I on autopilot with my obligations?
2. What could I gracefully bow out of this year?
3. What is really important to me that I could spend time on instead?
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Weekly Challenge # 120: Be Thankful for WHO You Are

In a season when we are encouraged to focus on our blessings, if you are willing to recognize and give thanks for WHO you uniquely are, then you will engage one of the most powerful strategies for actually living a fulfilling life: making the most of who you really are.

Many people don't.

Not only are they not thankful for who they are, they aren't even willing to acknowledge who they are....their talents, gifts, insights, abilities, passions, concerns, etc.

And lest you think I'm referring to everybody else, let me remind you (in a creative edge way), or better yet, ask you:

What talents, gifts, insights, abilities, passions, skills, dreams...are you hiding from the world (and yourself)?

-- Claudia S. was hiding that she loved working with kids, and had a natural talent for it.  She was too busy at her office job.

-- Sam I. had an overwhelming concern about HIV/AIDS in Africa.  But he didn't have any medical background and didn't know anyone at the World Health Organization, so he mostly kept it to himself.

-- Jane G. had a knack for making people laugh, which she pulled out on only one occaison a year: the New Year's Eve party with her close friends.

-- Sean B. had a dream of writing a children's book and a gift for sketching.  But everybody knows that it's too late to bring that up once you turn 50.

These are all examples of people who are busy forgetting who they are.  They are busy doing all kinds of things.  But not what they could uniquely do.

So my weekly challenge to you is twofold:

(1) For today, just acknowledge and give thanks for WHO you uniquely are.  List your talents, gifts, insights, abilities, passions, skills and dreams.  And be thankful that you have them in the special combination that makes YOU.         Then...

(2) As you're thinking about the coming year, make a plan to have more of WHO you are show up.  Commit to some steps for putting more of YOU in play in the coming year.

Personally, and among other things, I am thankful for my abilities in music, laughter and knowing how to support growth, my skills in listening and coaching and facilitating, my abilities to see the big picture and generate exciting ideas, my dreams of being a bridge-builder with people and a performer, and for being filled with patience and love. 

I look forward to sharing more about my own plans for bringing more of ME to the world, even as I continue to ask YOU about yours.

BOTTOM LINE:  Be thankful for all of WHO you are and you will bring more of YOU to the world.  The world will be better for it.  And so will you.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What are my talents, gifts, insights, abilities, passions, skills and dreams?
2. What gifts in particular about me do I keep hidden?
3. How can I offer more of who I uniquely am to the world in the coming year?

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Weekly Challenge # 119: Act (on) Your Age

Instead of carrying around your old age, your young age, your middle age as a burden--something to be suffered...realize and acknowledge that your age presents you with some unique advantage.  Identify it and then act on that advantage.

Many of you know (since I usually announce to groups I am facilitating) that I only work with smart people.  :)  And smart people, of all people, really know how to make things hard for  themselves...they really know how to struggle.  (Hence the beginning of the Struggle Less, BE More set of strategies).

"Not acting your age" is one way that smart people make life harder than it needs to be, because by doing so, they totally disregard the advantage that their age brings them.

Some Examples of Not Acting Your Age:

- you're 24 and have a comfort with navigating the online frontier of MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and del.icio.us.  Instead of seeing it as a set of skills that put you at a competitive advantage with potential employers, you spend most of your interviews acting like you're 48 and well experienced in corporate financing.  It's good to be 24.

- you're 47 and fathering a newborn.   Sure, you're tired all the time, so you spend your time wishing you were 28 with more energy, forgetting that you're an experienced father with an ability to write, and the connections to get you work about fatherhood into the hands of editors.

- you're 63 and thinking about retirement.  With the "help" of friends, you're acting like you're 88 and ready to call it permanent quits.  You're forgetting that you could be primed for the next 25+ years to be the most fruitful and rewarding of your entire life.  You have decades of experience, the bruises to prove it, AND the wisdom of how NOT to do things. 

We often seem to be pining for another age.  We are 20 and want to be 30.  We are 50 and want to be 30.  etc. etc. etc.

Instead of wishing, we would do better to take advantage of WHO we are and WHEN we are.  That is your unique advantage right now.

Two Reasons (and warnings) Why This Challenge Is So Timely:

(1) YOU WILL NEVER BE YOUR CURRENT AGE AGAIN

There are things you can do and be at your age that will be less possible, less easy next decade...or next year.  There is energy you have in your thirties that you won't have in your forties, etc.  So the window of opportunity for certain things IS slowly closing.  Sorry/glad to have to remind you.

(2)  ONLY YOU HAVE THE UNIQUE SET OF EXPERIENCES AT YOUR AGE

Which means YOU can take advantage of the juxtaposition of WHO you are and WHEN you are.  And, there is urgency here, because time is the great equalizer:   If you have more experience than the average 32 year old, by the time you are 38, more of your peers will have the same experience.  If you have more energy than most 55 year olds...by the time you are 65, your energy level will be closer to your peers.

This is all to point out that advantages you have now, aren't likely to remain advantages as time passes.  The time is now to act on them.

BOTTOM LINE:  Don't spend another minute worrying that you are not younger or older.  Instead, realize that WHO you are and WHEN you are (now) is a powerful combination for you to take advantage of.   What does your current combination of age, experience and ability give you a uniqe opportunity to create and live?  Wear your age as an advantage, not a burden.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What opportunities did I miss last decade because I forgot my age?
2. Am I guilty of acting too old or too young for my own good? 
3. What's the best thing for someone with your age, experience and ability to be doing?  Are you?

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Weekly Challenge # 118: Free Your Mind From Clutter

How much of your brainpower do you spend focused on those things that truly have meaning for you in your life?  How much of your thinking space is occupied by your most meaningful (read: top) priorities at work?  We can spend an awful lot of time thinking about stuff that doesn't matter so much, including (as we explored last week), worrying about situations that will never happen or are already over.

If you expect to accomplish your big goals this year (yes there is still time), if you expect to be happy with your life and work, you might need to do a mental clean-up.  Your brain needs to be at its best for what you have planned for your future, right?

Free your mind up so it can be focused on putting YOU--your talents and strengths in play, pursuing those things that have meaning and purpose to you, and giving you the best chance of contributing big in this world.

Some of you recognize that this weeks challenge is a triple whammy from the Struggle Less, BE More set of strategies, invoking three simultaneously: 

Drop the weight (clutter) + Shift your beliefs + Pursue meaning...with a major focus on the first strategy: Drop the weight.

Below are a few examples of the kinds of brain clutter that I and my clients seem to have quite frequently.  WARNING: at least half of this "clutter" is positive stuff, because not everything that is clutter is "junk."  Think of your office: if it's too crowded with awards and books and supplies (all good stuff) it still makes for a very poor environment to get your important work done.  The same can apply with your brain.

Five Categories of Brain Clutter:

1 - scenes from your past, interactions that you continue to replay on that VHS in your mind, wishing for a different ending, but experienceing the same mental anguish and emotion all over again, every single time

2 - specific fears you like to focus on that mostly tend to immobilize you: what will "they" think?  what if I trip and mess up?  am I really cut out to do this anyway?  etc.

3 - ideas and projects that are NOT going to happen right now, but that you still consider every day:  When am I going to get to that project?  Maybe I can work on that a little bit this week.  Maybe you devote actual planning and thinking time to it (but it doesn't mean it's going to happen). 

4 - aspirations of your future work or accomplishments: I'm talking about those dreams you have about becoming a world class piano player that (a) aren't that compelling to you (b) seem unlikely since you don't have a passion for music, and (c) are more connected to the praise you saw heaped on your neighbor as she became one.  That's NOT you.

This also includes unrealistic occupation notions, as in: maybe I should check into opening that restaurant by the waterfront (even though you don't like managing people, have no restaurant experience and mostly like the idea of eating by the water.) 

5 - aspirations of behavior change that again, simply are not you:  I wish I could become an early riser like her.  I wish I could type on the computer like him.  I wish I could juggle eight kids, two businesses and three charity projects so effortlessly like her.  Could you change your behavior?  Yes.  Will you, given who you are and where your strengths lie?  Probably not.

Now again, ideas are good.  Aspirations are great.  And they are both ways in which we move our lives forward in extraordinary ways.  BUT, in the bottom three categories, I'm referring to clutter...they are like the pair of pants you are keeping in your closet because (a) they are made from quality material, (b) they were all the rage (1995), and (c) you might fit into them again some day.  Clutter.

What can you do if you know you have some brain clutter like this?   Commit to a time of cleaning out.  Get some help if you need it, and as a start, consider these:

Three Options For Clearing The Brain Clutter:

(1)  Name it, and mentally put it in it's proper place.

If you go through the five categories and list the brain clutter you seem to have at the moment, that very action will cause a shift to occur.  As you identify your clutter, put the proper label on your thinking: "not based in reality", wishful, "not gonna happen-at least this decade," or "so 1987, I can't believe I'm still dwelling on it."  It will become hard to give it the same attention in the future.

(2)  Let it go.

Let go of the negative past and your fears by holding them up to the light of day.  They don't survive under such scrutiny.  You might need to get the help of a trusted friend, therapist, or adviser to dispel them or release your grip.

For the positive things  you still think could be a part of your future, file them away mentally (or physically if you have plans and folders) into long-term storage.  Give them a label that indicates "don't think about again until 2010"  That way your brain knows you might come back to it, but not in the present.

(3)  Replace it.

There is nothing like a compelling, present-tense, passion or purpose to keep your mind nearly completely occupied on what has meaning for you.  It's hard to fret about what your ex-boss told you in 1998 when you are knee-deep in making your current dreams a reality.  It's amazing how many of the petty things in your mind can fall away in the presense of a set of big, compelling, meaningful, crazy ambitions you are pursuing or passions you are tending to.

Cleaning up our thinking is often neither simple nor important to us.  We rather like our thoughts and ideas-regardless of whether they serve us well or not.  It's just like the clutter in our homes and offices.   We tend to grow accustomed to it.  So maybe you need a wake-up call.

But if you are feeling heavy, overly-burdened by your own thinking: too full or heavy to fly toward your dreams...consider clearing the cobwebs and the clutter.  And cut yourself some slack when you realize you could use some outside help...have you ever noticed how easy it is to help others get rid of their junk, but so much harder to pitch your own?

BOTTOM LINE:  Given that you have important things you want to accomplish, given that your unique contributions on this earth are needed, given that you really do have big dreams for yourself, your family, your work, your life....you can't afford to have your mind cluttered with old, negative or useless thoughts.  What you're living is a function of what you're thinking.  Clean up your thoughts to make room for the thinking and life you want.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What thoughts tend to clutter up my mind, wasting valuable space and time?
2. What line of thinking might I be overvaluing, continually "going there" with no benefit?
3. What dreams of mine do I want to be thinking about more?

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Weekly Challenge # 117: Stop Using Your Imagination To Worry

Do you spend precious brainpower conjuring up all kinds of negative scenarios that COULD happen to you, but mostly never do?  Are you able to take a small piece of disappointing information or feedback and through your own thinking, turn that into a major scenario of doom and gloom?  Do you find yourself practicing how you will respond to negative information, people or situations, even though they will never likely occur that way?

Stop it.  You're a grown professional.  And you know better.

All that time, all that energy, all of your smarts and creativity could be used instead to anticipate and create the positive in your life --and in the process, create the kind of positive experience that leads to vitality and longer life.

So, setting aside that we do have things (and people) that happen TO us that are negative, if you're a smart and creative person, and you find yourself having a lot of pity parties for yourself, getting down in the dumps on a daily basis, or generally having a negative experience when it comes to your job or your personal life...there's a good chance YOU really are the source of most of your trouble.

Personally, I will often catch myself rehearsing what would be potentially negative interactions with people--interactions that will never occur that way.  Except that the rehearsing has the EXACT SAME impact as if I experienced them in reality:  my adrenaline is up, I am upset or angry, my view of the person, myself and the situation has shifted --and it's all of my own creation.

I can do this almost anytime I have a free moment to think: when I'm driving, in-between projects, while I'm taking a shower, etc.

The result, if this is unchecked, can be a depressing afternoon, or a really poor start to the day, or, if I'm really creative...a depressing week or month!

Do you know people who can think this way too.  Maybe...you?

What can we do about this if we're prone to such dark use of our creative powers?

A couple of strategies (to be used together) to help us out:

(1) Shift from being a worrier to being a dreamer.

In other words, always have positive, aspirational stuff you can be thinking about and rehearsing for the future.  Get in the active habit of thinking about THAT stuff, instead of going into your usual pattern of worrying about and rehearsing the negative.

Our minds know no neutral.  So if you tend to dwell on the potential negative (worry), you need to have your goals and your dreams at the ready so you can, instead,  imagine how those will be, what they will be like for you and how they will unfold in your life.  (It's the same process you use to worry, so don't act like you don't know how to think this way...you just aren't used to writing feel good movies as you are made-for-tv disaster movies for you life).

The key to this strategy is actually HAVING dreams, having goals for yourself.  If you don't...this must be your first priority.  What does your best life look/sound/feel like?

(2) Identify your most "creative" times, and and place cues in your environment to trigger your thinking toward the positive.

If you know you can really start imagining disaster when you have a free moment at your computer, put up some visual cues that remind you to focus on your dreams.  If the shower is a creative place for you--go into the shower with something specific and positive to think / dream about.  (not as crazy as it sounds)

They key here is to remove your imagination from auto-pilot...especially if it has a tendency to drift toward the negative.  For example, if you have your three compelling dreams written on a sticky note on your car dashboard, it will be harder to drift into negative rehearsal (for very long) while you're driving.

Both of these strategies, taken together, can get you back on the road to creating the work and life you want, and to building a better you.

One final appeal for you to seriously shift your thinking I will offer in the way of an explanation: Why are we often caught worrying?  I think it's due to mental laziness.  We really do have our thinking on auto-pilot and we haven't bothered to harness our tremendous brain power for use in making our goals and dreams for ourselves and this world a reality.  It's time to take charge of your thinking!

A long time ago, Napoleon Hill wrote that "whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."  The first step has been and always will be...creating in our minds what we want to be and see in the world.   I encourage you to take this step daily.

BOTTOM LINE:  If you find yourself worrying a lot, YOU are the likely source of your experience through your own negative mental rehearsal.  Stop using your imagination to think negatively and instead focus on your goals and your dreams, imagining them into reality every day.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. Where (or when) do I tend to get myself into a funk because of my thinking?
2. What goals or dreams for my life do I have that I could be focusing my imagination on all the time?
3. What do I tend to worry about most (that never happens)?  What could I focus on instead?

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Weekly Challenge # 116: Understand the Opportunity Behind What's Happening To You

One major step to stopping any struggle against yourself is to pay better attention to the opportunities that lie within the circumstances you face every day.

Instead of taking on your circumstances as burdens (even though many circumstances are challenging and often confusing), look behind them for the opportunities they are and TAKE ADVANTAGE of the special opportunity they present for you to become more fully the person you were created to be.

With this approach, since you won't be ignoring or working against what comes your way, you'll sieze on your own personal advantages, that can lead to greater accomplishment and a greater experience of meaning in your work and life.

Not everyone naturally thinks this way.

Some people see life as a set of circumstances to be dodged and as something to be "survived."  Some believe what happens to be totally random (and therefore not to be infused with meaning). 

I know that one of my talents identified in the Clifton Strengths Finder 2.0 is "Connectedness," defined in part as "having faith in the links between all things," and believing in few coincidences...instead thinking that "almost every event has a reason."   Yep, that's me. 

But even if you don't naturally think this way, I believe you can cultivate this approach to circumstances that will have you living more fully at your own creative edge and in incredible synchronicity with what is going on around you.  (And for some of you...would you be willing to just "play along" for a few days and see if opportunities really are coming your way?)

Here are a few, simple steps toward this attitude (that work really well if taken all together):

(1)  Assume reasons instead of randomness. 

When you run into that old friend from 10 years ago...assume there is a reason (for you or her) why it is happening now.  Try and figure it out together.  That casual comment your seatmate on the Metro made to you yesterday was a gift to you.  What if you took it seriously?  Your computer is locking up for a reason...what is it making possible for you to see or experienece?   (Caution to you natural analysts:  don't take it too far. Your gas tank was empty probably because you didn't put gas in the car.   Again.   Mmmmm....)

(2)  Be an explorer in your own life. 

Wonder to yourself why things are happening.   You won't understand a reason immediately all the time, but you will often.  Ask yourself, what positive reason could possibly exist for this happening (to me) right now?  At the very least, be curious about what is happening.

(3)  Expect what is best. 

As you are assuming reasons and acting as a explorer, operate under the assumption that things happen for positive reasons (for you and the world).  I am not suggesting that we sugarcoat bad things that happen.   What I am suggesting is that a belief in the opposite AUTOMATICALLY leads to a life of struggle and heartache.  So expect and look for the positive reasons behind ordinary circumstances. 

And, allow that for some things, --we might never come to explain or understand why they happened.  Cut yourself some slack and remember it's not your job to understand and explain everything.  Whew.

(4)  Adjust your sails accordingly.

As you begin to realize the opportunities behind your circumstances, you now have the challenge to ACT on what you know.  At the most basic level, it means adjusting your sails, your oars and your sights in accordance with what you now know.  It means acting WITH what is happening instead of against it (unless, of course, the opportunity is for you to push back, stand up and stand against something).

Now, I personally believe there is a Creator who plays a part in all of this.  And you might too.  Or you might understand things in terms of karma and dharma.  At the very least, I am challenging you to see that just as YOU were not a random act, nor are the things happening around you.   And I believe the universe is growing, instead of deconstructing.  Therefore,  I can ask the question: what are the opportunities coming your way today?

BOTTOM LINE:  You are not alone in creating opportunities for yourself.  The people, places and events that surround you in the form of circumstances bring opportunities to you every day.  Pay attention to them, respond to them and learn to struggle less and BE more in your work and life.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. How can I remind myself to be on the lookout for the opportunities behind my circumstances?
2. What ideas, messages, or opportunities keep coming my way, that I keep ignoring?
3. Who told me I was in this life all by myself? (as applicable)  :)

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Weekly Challenge # 115: Stop Using Email As Your Work Plan

Unless your colleagues, your boss, your organization, your family, your peers and your friends are 100% on board supporting you in pursuing the life you really want and...so is everyone else who emails you on any given day, then email is NOT the best choice for how you should spend your time.

And yet.

Do you start your day with email?

Do you almost always use any available free minutes to check email?

Do you have a reflexive response that whenever you're unsure what to do next...you check your email?

At the top of your daily accomplishments does a phrase like "started with 324 and got it down to 10" always seem to be top of mind?

We have let the routine, the ritual, the busyness of email dictate how we spend a good deal of our time.  Are you ready to stop?

There are two obvious ways to go here, if you really want to get serious about your own priorities (you have identified your own priorities, right?):

OPTION #1:  Limit your email as an activity, treat it as a limited tool at best, and honor other ways of working instead of it.

Three steps:

(1)  Filter, filter, filter  And that means limit the amount of email that ever gets into your inbox.  Use software to limit unwanted email, use rules to automatically file emails that you could read anytime (you don't read every magazine as soon as it arrives in the mailbox); Delete easily

(2)  Using an autoreply message which goes to everyone who emails you: let people who email you know that (a) you are busy working on changing the world, (b) you will not be checking email regularly each day (c) anything important- they can always call you.

(3) Actually limit your checking of email to once a day, twice a week, something radically minimalist.  And don't feel you have to respond to everything.

OPTION #2: Use email as your primary means of getting to your goals and realizing your priorities

Five steps:

(1) Filter, filter, filter and sort, sort, sort BEFORE the email has a chance to get in your inbox.  Look at your inbox now...does it only contain emails related to your priorities?

(2) Praise people who use email to help move you and your work forward.  Let them know directly, and invite them to continue to do so.

(3) Give people feedback if their email is not helpful, on-target, or necessary.

(4) Just like paper, handle each email once.  Get good at the simple, direct and immediate response (if at all).

(5) Use emails to trigger work on current priorities or create new opportunities.  People share information, ideas and feedback all the time by email.  See if you can put those to use immediately.

Consider, for you...maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle of these two options?

BOTTOM LINE: The first step to the Struggle Less, BE More approach is to Wake Up and Pay Attention.  Your email is likely running your life and work.  Can you afford for such a time-consuming activity to be on auto-pilot and running you?  Get your email under YOUR control so you can get busy on realizing your dreams.

 

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What are my habits with email that are counterproductive?
2. Do I want to decrease my use of email or increase my use of it as a tool?
3. What could I be doing with my time if I wasn't on email so much?

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Weekly Challenge # 114: Stop Being So Realistic

[A Special Summertime Shorts Edition.
     Read it and get away from your computer!  /tp]

The reason why you aren't building the kind of better work and life you really want more quickly, is because when it comes to you goals and objectives, even your mission and dreams --you are being too realistic.

Despite what your dad told you about the importance of being realistic in you planing and doing, the truth is: it doesn't serve you well if you really plan on having or doing or BEing better.

Readers of this eZine know that I we have covered how to play a bigger game, how to upgrade your goals and the importance of figuring out what brings energy to your work.  This is the essence of that: realistic goals are not full of energy, and therefore are not motivating, and therefore have little chance of helping you shift your life in the way you really want.

Two books which I highly recommend highlight the importance of being unrealistic in your dreaming and planning (and doing): Timothy Ferris' (popular right now) The 4-Hour Work Week and John Eliot's Overachievement.  They both point out that it is just as easy to do the unrealistic as it is the realistic, but the former is more rewarding and exciting! 

Both books echo my Struggle Less, BE More approach to living a fuller, more generous life.

My simple challenge to you is to transform your existing set of goals into a more unrealistic list.  What goals and dreams do you have that are totally unrealistic, and yet...very compelling to you (ahhh, there's the secret)?

They are the sweet spot of your work.

Here are some practical reasons why unrealistic goals make sense:

(1) They get your adrenaline flowing--which you need in small doses to get you "pumped up" for your work

(2) They get you farther, faster.  Why invest in a slow, gradual, movement toward your ultimate success?   Radically shorten your time frame and increase your expectation.

(3) They demand your attention.  It's harder to forget the bigger, more exciting (unrealistic) things you are working on and toward.  And how many of your dreams have you forgotten, or fallen asleep to over the years?

(4) They build momentum overall which means less starting and stopping (which can be expensive over time)

(5) There is a built-in reward just in the doing and who you are BEing while you're working on them.  These are not goals you just do so you can cross them off your list.  They are goals that have excitement and a positive sense of accomplishment built right in.

(6)  Because they are deemed unrealistic by you and others, when you reach them, they bolster your confidence.  In Overachievement, Eliot devotes an entire chapter to the importance of confidence (that is almost unrealistic) and how is its the secret fundamental trait of achievers.  Unrealistic goals foster unrealistic confidence.  You need it.

(7) They get you a dramatically higher return for about the same effort.  Really.  We spend an inordinate amount of time working on realistic stuff.  That same time could be spent in the unrealistic realm and you would be all the better for it.

BOTTOM LINE: You are unexcited, unmotivated and uninspired by aspects of your life and work because you are too realistic--whichalmost by definition means you have been purposefully living too small.  Identify and work on your unrealistic goals and dreams,because they will really take you somewhere, and the ride will be rewarding too.

 

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What are the most unrealistic goals and dreams I can think of for myself?  Aren't they exciting?
2. Who do I know and how can I hang around more unrealistic people? (they have more fun)
3. Who told me to be so realistic, and why am I still listening to them?

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Weekly Challenge # 113: Stop Ignoring Your Opportunities

[A Special Summertime Shorts Edition.
      Read it and get away from your computer!  /tp]

For most of us who are professional, privileged and pursuing our dreams, opportunities present themselves on a regular basis.  You likely come in contact with a large number of opportunities every week, every day.

They come in the form of people, information, ideas, inspiration, ah-ha moments, chance encounters, unsolicited help and invitations, etc.

And they come uniquely to you.

My challenge to you is to pay attention to them, and stop ignoring such powerful invitations to greater success.

This challenge seems to me as old as the hills, something that your grandfather probably told you about "opportunity knocking."  And yet, we choose to ignore the fact we are asleep to the many opportunities knocking on the doors of our own offices and homes.

Why?

Here are three ideas about why we don't take advantage of our own opportunities:

(1)  We think these opportunities that come our way are available to most everyone, and therefore we don't see them and treat them as special to us.

Simply put: opportunities come to you and only you every day that I and others will never have the chance to ignore.  See and treat them as special and unique to you.

(2)  Our lives are so full of information and people and ideas that we lump our true opportunities in with all the other fullness of our life.  They, in essence, get lost amidst all the busyness of our work and lives.

One important distinction: we can drown in a life full of possibilities because we can confuse the difference between possibilities and opportunities.  There are many things possible
for us to do, have and be...but opportunities are possibilities that present themselves with additional evidence or energy that indicate they are worth pursuing --favorable circumstances of some kind.

Learn to see and set aside the opportunities from all the rest of the noise in your life.

A final reason we don't take advantage of our own opportunities:

(3)  We acknowledge them and file them, to be used later, as if they do not have an expiration date.

Most opportunities are only available for a limited time.  I believe the window of opportunity does close quickly on much that comes our way.

Cultivate the habit of seizing opportunities or acting on them as soon as they come your way.  Be prepared to respond (especially when the opportunity is related to what you've been praying for, dreaming about, visualizing, setting goals for etc.)

BOTTOM LINE: You are being showered with opportunities every day.  Struggle less in your own life by waking up and paying attention to what is naturally coming your way.  And you will have taken the one step that separates the achievers from the merely high potentials.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. How can I keep track of the opportunities that come my way daily?
2. How can I follow up or respond to those opportunities?
3. What opportunities (in what form) seem to keep reappearing in my life or work?

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